#ableist family
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So....
Today my mother my big sister n her bf were making ableist jokes....
And I called them out for it but got ignored.
Then after a bath confronted my mother about her ableist language and jokes she made.
Of course ableists get defensive when called out.
YOU ARE NOT A ALLY OR SUPPORTER OF SPECIAL NEEDS / DISABLED PEOPLE IF YOU MAKE JOKES ABOUT RUNNING YOUR CHILD OVER IF BORN VISUALLY DISABLED YOU ARE NOT!!!! 🚫👎🏻❌
#tw ableism#tw ableist language#ableism#ableist language cw#fuck ableists#abliests can suck a fat shit#ableist family#ableist bullshit#she is so ignorant she doesnt even know what ableism means#disability#disabilities#chronic disability#disabled people deserve more#i am disabled#why joke about shit like tgat around me#actually autistic#autism#stigma#disability stigma#we deserve better#audhd#neurodiversity#visually disabled#non visible disability
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my autism has literally never been this bad since like high school….
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
Plain-text version:
Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
#hlep#original#mental health#my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it#i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support#and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of#huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the#longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel#i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop
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Damian Wayne ∣ Robin: *exists*
Jason Todd ∣ Red Hood: He's so cute, I used to change his diapers ya know? *ruffles Robin's hair*
Henchpeople: *laughing*
Damian, annoyed: I liked you better when you were an invalid.
Jason: *is sad*
#batman#dc comics#dcu#batfamily#dc robin#dc#robin dc#dc universe#damian wayne#damian al ghul#ibn al xu'ffasch#hafid al ghul#ableism#tw ableist language#mild ableist language#jason todd#red hood dc comics#dc red hood#dc comics red hood#red hood dc#red hood#they're brothers your honor#league of assassins#Jason Todd and Damian Wayne Meet in the League of Assassins#good mom talia al ghul#jason todd is talia al ghul's son#adoptive family#adoptive siblings#LoA
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ppl r still fighting me on that senshi thing lol idt people understand that this is a medieval society. even if the readers don't consider a character unmasculine because he's soft/weird/nurturing, the characters in-universe are not as progressive as the readers. it's really not that hard to understand
#like for god's sake marcille always makes a face when two men are getting Friendly with each other#also: mithrun making ableist comments towards a family member#senshi of izganda
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Kankri singlehandedly making the Homestuck fandom to this day think Mituna says slurs because nobody actually paid attention to what he was saying was his sweet revenge for fumbling Latula
it was literally wild reading openbound for the first time already knowing the fandom consensus that mituna says slurs and is the 4chan filth personified and getting to his part and its an alien word equivalent to cracker. and kankri explains that. and you can tell hes offended bc it pokes fun at him and his behavior if you read between the lines. why are yall taking kankris words at face value. KANKRIS. cmon
#mituna captor#kankri vantas#u know who almost says actual ableist slur? cronus. and it is framed as him being a fucking asshole rightfully so#mituna uses the wader term once. and never says any slur ever. ffs#honestly fandoms relation to mitunas character... its weird. its wild#im not a mituna scholar for the record but i DO have family member with tbi and ppl just Dont Understand Brain Damage#anyway nekropsii has good mituna posts he explains it better than i ever could go read them be smarter etc
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Do you guys remember the last time that 9-1-1 was not posting stills and behind the scenes stuff?
It was the shooting arc.
I think we're going to have something happen with Christopher, Eddie, and/or Abuela. We know the next few episodes are going to do with Bobby's and Eddie's pasts, and the last time something like this happened was in the shooting arc.
Buck going through a self-discovery arc that coincides with a Madney milestone? What happens? Shooting arc.
We know that Christopher is a bigger part of this season as well.
The foundation with Eddie repairing the relationship with his family, his questioning of his relationship, dealing with his catholic guilt, and Shannon, has been building up to this.
Buck needs to step up somehow like the shooting arc and change how he approaches his connection to the Diaz family in order for him to get off the hamster wheel.
#911 fox#911 show#911 spoilers#buddie#eddie diaz#evan buck buckely#911 speculation#911 buddie#911 on fox#evan buckley#9 1 1 buddie#911 fandom#christopher diaz#911 season 7#911 season 7 speculation#bobby nash#i will not tolerate any hateful racist sexist ableist discriminatory language on reblogs comments or tags#tommy kinard#bi buck is canon#bi!buck#buckley diaz family#im so nervous and excited#tim minear#911 abc#911 parallels#911onabc#911 meta
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Things that people say and do that really upsets me as an autistic person
• not realizing my support needs change from day to day
• sarcastic remarks and snide comments when I become more or less verbal
• “You weren’t like this before/ yesterday/ last week”
• persistently pestering me when I’m hyper focused, want to be alone, or am overstimulated
• “Why are you so rude?/ Why are you being mean to me?/ Do you not like me anymore?” This is an attempt to guilt trip and make my autism all about them
• “Take off your headphones” Like bitch I need those because every little noise is hurting me
• “Stop doing that (stimming) you look like a (r- slur)”
• taking away stim toys/ devices
• forcing me to make eye contact or talk to people. Some days I can do this and sometimes I can’t; it is not up to anyone else to decide when these times are
• “why can’t you do school/ work like you do your special interest?” Incredibly rude, all I hear is how you don’t value what I can do and demean anything I like to do as worthless
#autism#actually autism#actually autistic#autistic pride#autistic experiences#autistic adult#please don’t do this#neurodivergent#neuropunk#i hate my family#ableism#fuck ableists
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As a kid my family used to make fun of me for stuff that is apparently exclusively reserved for “old people” like rolling across the room in a rolly chair to grab something (instead of getting up and taking three steps) or sitting down at a table to do quick food prep like cut fruit or scramble an egg (instead of just standing at the counter for 90 seconds) TURNS OUT what they called laziness was just disability all along haha TURNS OUT I just needed a mobility aid yet here I am today still without one because they gaslit me into believing I was “just lazy” and it took me decades to finally understand that’s not true. haha who knew
#I used to think everyone was just way stronger than me like I was the human version of the runt of the litter or something#please take kids seriously about things#fucking hell I hate this world#disability advocacy#physical disability#undiagnosed disability#late diagnosis#autistic trauma#spoonie#pots#dysautonomia#ehlers danlos#ehlers danlos syndrome#low energy#disability accommodations#disability representation#laziness does not exist#fuck ableists#family trauma#disability trauma#fuck ableism#anti fakeclaiming#fuck fakeclaimers#invisible disability#invisible illness#mobility aid#mobility aid user#disability pride
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Damian: Hey, don’t do anything to ruin my match, you guys. Like the way you ruined my parrot.
*cutaway to clubhouse*
Damian: *shows off parrot* I just bought this yesterday. Isn’t it beautiful?
Finn, Dominik, and JD: *to parrot* Slut, slut, slut, slut…SLUT!!
Parrot: SLUT!
Damian: !COÑO!
#damian priest#dominik mysterio#finn balor#finn bálor#jd mcdonagh#the judgement day#tjd#wwe incorrect quotes#incorrect wwe quotes#source: family guy#minus the c-ableist word originally used
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When it comes to Penelope I feel like a lot of her fans take any valid criticism towards her and turn it into hate, which does her character a disservice. While some people do hate on her, a lot of it holds valid reasons. Admitting that she has hurt many people isn't wrong because she has, it's been shown on throughout the show and the impacts it can have. From labeling Daphne as "unmarriageable" during her first season and events that followed, her labeling Eloise as being part of a group of rebels, the terms she used to describe Kate [and Simon]-- which carried racial undertones no matter how you try to spin it, who didn't even know personally at that point, what she did Marina. All of these were very harmful and to say that none of these characters should feel angry, that they should just forgive Penelope without any work put into it is very laughable (especially because she's still writing as Whistledown and put many, namely women, at risk during a time where reputation is everything--something in which Penelope herself faces). With this being said, criticizing her actions, at least for me, doesn't come from a complete place of hate but more so from believing that she can be better if she puts in the work. By ignoring all that she's done and having her get her happily ever after so easily in the end, to be honest, would ultimately feel lackluster. I feel like she still has room to grow, but it will take a lot of work and, I personally, think seeing her renavigate who she is with who she wants to be outside of Lady Whistledown would be very interesting.
#bridgerton#penelope featherington#idk if this counts as anti but I'll label it as such too#anti penelope featherington#bc some people don't see it her referring to kate as a “beast” was wrong as hell and definitely side eye worthy coming from this yte woman#like she didn't even know kate and wrote that about her#and her ableist comments towards george were absolutely unnecessary as well#so deny that none of these things holds impact would be highly untrue and make the story very flat#i do think pen provides valuable insight to a different perspective of the ton and was helpful in eloise seeing a different view#so that's one [of very few] reasons that i think she should have a chance of redeeming herself#but that also doesn't mean that any of these characters should forgive her either#penelope stans and/or polin stans do not interact if you can't be respectful!#(also bc some people like to say “but the bridgertons are privileged and got their happy endings”#one just bc they got their happy endings in the end doesn't mean that what pen wrote didn't put them in difficult situations or that she#should be thanked as if she helped them [with daphne that was mainly her and her own mother's doing]#[for eloise that different bc it puts her and her family under political scrutiny as well bc do you honestly think being labeled as associat#-ing with rebels would be a good thing?]
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Pay attention to who’s voice it sounds like in your head that’s beating you down. Who’s calling you stupid? Who’s saying you’re worthless? Does it sound like someone in your past and/present? Does it sound like someone you trust or does it sound like someone who you can’t? Does it sound like someone who knows and loves you or does it sound like someone’s misinformed and doesn’t care? Does it sound like the voice of reason, or does it sound like a shitty little bully?
#mental health#self hatred#tw: self loathing#tw: ableism#ableist language cw#just because it comes from inside you#doesn’t mean it’s right#doesn’t mean it’s from YOU#brains like to take that voice on#from someone before#maybe another kid at school or a shitty family member#and then it’s internilized#and suddenly you’re bullying yourself#using their words#it’s time to listen and think about#where those words came from#why your mind is repeating them#and start treating them like intrustive thoughts#push back#treat it like it’s a ridiculous man sitting on your shoulder#laugh at them#because they’re wrong#and see how silly it is?#a silly little bully#you could easily flick them off your shoulder if you wanted to#and with time#you’ll be able to shrug them off as they pop up#because you know yourself better than that#and you deserve the kindness and understanding that you afford for others#ok?
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Despite figuring out all the ways that certain cats are related, I don't actually really care about incest in the Warriors series. I just like figuring out the family tree because it's fun.
#it's inevitable in small communities for distant cousins to get into relationships#my own great-grandparents were 3rd cousins once removed (only sharing 0.391% of their DNA) which was fine!#some of y'all dont realize how little DNA is shared once you get past 3rd cousins (which share 0.781% of their DNA)#4th cousins share 0.195% DNA. 5th cousins share 0.049% DNA. 6th cousins share 0.012% DNA. 7th cousins share 0.003% DNA (less than 0.01%!)#and just for reference: 2nd cousins share 3.125% of their DNA and 1st cousins share 12.5%#apparently people are now being ableist over moonpaw? over a non-existent kittycat??#making fun of the erins' poor family tree planning skills is not the same as making fun of disabled ppl and victims of incest#or calling for eugenics (!!) against people you deem undesirable#put your energy into helping actual victims instead#moonpaw#warrior cats#warriors#wc#harbor's posts
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I’m a trans man that recently got diagnosed with hyper mobile eds, so now seeing Steve makes me extra happy, because cool disabled ftm rep. Thanks for making the radical dude bro, he’s funky.
same disability (waving hand emoji)
Always extremely fulfilling to know my work makes people happy in some small way, it means a lot. Thank you for sharing with me
#I dont talk about having eds cause its not specifically really relevant to my work#been diagnosed with it since 17. woag 10 years next april...#anyways. yeah idk I like the blog to be about my art and I'm used to people asking me a LOT of questions about EDS or disability or canes#just a lot of stuff unrelated to my art. I'm happy to talk about it but I don't want it to be the focus of my blog!#So I've p much chosen to mostly just. not talk about it. even though I'm literally fine talking about it#it's just rarely relevant and no one needs to know LOL#but. I also know that EDS can feel very lonely#and that it's really nice to know other people out there have it#so. hi anon you're not alone#also just in case. literally don't feel bad about anything in the tags here LOL#mostly just like 'please people do not start sending me asks about whether or not you should go to the doctor'#or asks about ableist family members#or venting about pain...#just a lot of invasive and boundary crossing asks the more I talk about it hahahah#but I don't mind sharing at all.#sorry I think I lost the plot on this one#good luck on your journey. starting to accomodate yourself does wonders#and really just extremely happy my work could reach you in this way#sending you love#asks#anon
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congrats moonpaw on having a genuinely interesting and memorable design but sorry about your parents being literal first cousins
#warrior cats#moonpaw#uhhh. damn lol#she looks cool thats a good cat design! do you think the erins keep up with the family trees#salty talks#anyways probably not going to read this arc since i havent been keeping up with the books in a while#but hoping moonpaw gets to be a cool protag#anyways if you dont know. her parents are apparently thriftear and bayshine#thrifts dad is fernsong and bay’s mom is sorrelstripe and fern and sorrel are siblingssss#anyways addition bc apparently people are being kinda nasty abt this. be normal abt moonpaw dont be ableist#this isnt even particularly new for wc and these characters are feral cats and the family trees are already tied in knots#this is funny bc of what looks like author carelessness and nothing at the expense of moonpaw herself
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Brainrot time:
I would think it would be such an interesting concept for season 7 to end with Eddie being hospitalized with either an injury or for mental health reasons, and that's what Ryan meant about Eddie feeling isolated.
Like, Eddie is literally and actually isolated, and that's why he may not be relying on his usual people, Bobby and Buck. It would also be such an interesting reason why the Diaz parents are in town as well.
If it's the injury aspect, where maybe something happened with Buck, Christopher, and Eddie, like Buck's apartment burns down, and either Buck and Chris are relatively fine, but Eddie's not. Or the mental health aspect where Buck and Eddie are relatively unharmed and Chris is severely injured and Eddie has a breakdown because of it and Buck has to step up for Chris because of the guardianship aspect, I think it would be really interesting as well.
I think Buck is not going to get super angry or judgmental about the Kim/Shannon/Marisol thing, but concerned for Eddie. Like Buck understands self-sabatoge and acting out of character, but he also knows when Eddie is self-sabatoging and acting out of character, there's usually something larger that follows along with it, like the fight club arc and his first breakdown.
I think there's something to be said about Eddie also struggling with also needing to get off his own hamster wheel. He struggles with placing every woman he's been with on a pedestal and being shocked or hurt when he's unable to realize that they're just as deeply flawed and complex as well. He's done it with Ana and Marisol, and he's continually done it with Shannon.
Yes, Eddie was a bad husband to Shannon, but Shannon was a bad wife to Eddie. They were kids when they got married and had their kid. Eddie has a very immature viewpoint of relationships and what goes into them because he's recycling the same template he had for Shannon. Despite knowing some of the ways he has improved on his sense of self, he's still has a long way to go in order to be active and participate in a romantic relationship.
#911 fox#911 spoilers#911 show#eddie diaz#buddie#evan buck buckely#911 speculation#911 buddie#911 on fox#evan buckley#911 fandom#911 season 7#911 s7#911 abc#911onabc#911 on abc#911onfox#911 marisol#ana flores#shannon diaz#christopher diaz#buckley diaz family#911 eddie#911 meta#9 1 1 buddie#911 parallels#i will not tolerate any hateful racist sexist ableist discriminatory language on reblogs comments or tags#sillymille has insomnia#sillymille needs sleep#why am i like this
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